AOC: Oompa Bands and Candy for Kids
KING OOMPA IN THE BALL CHAIR
Angel, Ralph the Cameraman and I are standing before an interesting little man. He informed us that we must perform a song about an AMR3 racer using his cultural style. Angel and I confer for a bit then jump into a song.
“Here is a song based on your early literary works.” I inform the Oompa Loompas gathered around.
But now, my dears, we think you might
Be thinking of Scott – is his brain all right?
That every single bit of blame
Due to his scorching eyes of flame
Should fall upon Scott?
Is he the only one at fault?
For though at Disneyland his team was last
Well don’t blame Warbird, cuz she had a great ass *
“Their toes were tapping, but I didn’t hear no clapping.” I whisper to Angel. Angel just rolls his eyes at my subtle word play.
I call out to the Oopmas “How about something a little more recent, maybe from 2005” I give them a rockers two finger wave and head nod and we start singing
Spiderman, here’s the scoop
You’re a great big nincompoop
Spiderman, so horney and vile
Left the show for reasons infantile
“Come on” he said “the time is ripe”
“For MJ and Emma to clean my pipes”
I know dear contestant it was a shame
But Spidy is just so lame
That Spiderman up and quit the game. *
STILL NOT FEELING THE LOVE
The crowd gives a golf clap. We could take it as a pass and move on, but I want these little guys to rock. “Ok, I see you are all coinsurer of great music, so lets go back in time a pull out a oldie but goodie.” I scream in to the mike. Angel start a drum beat and I break into our last song.
Oompa Loompa doompadee doo
Koma’s got a back-story for you
Oompa Loompa doompadah dee
It included a robotic Bea
What do you get from an Evil villain?
Whose partner was as dumb as Gillian.
Lots of trash talk and boastful shouts
Just before the final round, when they got kicked out.
Oompa Loompa doompadee dah
If you're not boastful then you will go far
Koma isn’t happy, cuz he talked a lot of smack
then he got beat by team of Angel and Tak
Oompa Loompa doompadah dac *
The crowd goes wild. One Oompa jumps up on stage and start rocking out with us.
TICKLING THE OOMPA-OTRON
One group started dancing.
And I didn’t even know Oompas did this.
Gettin’ Oompa with it
One of the Oompas gives me the Detour. Testing candy or making candy.
“Let’s make some candy.” Angel tells me. “I am sure we can make a bunch of kids happy.”
Once at the candy labs Angel and I split up to work faster and within the hour we have developed 8 candies. I look at our candy tester.
WAIT, WHERE’S THE FIFTH KID?
“Hey Kids, you ready to try some great new candies?” I shout out
“Yeah!!!!!!” the testers yell back.
Angel insist in going first. “Try my Rhesus’ Pieces! They are chocolaty good.”
The first kid takes a bite and begins screaming. “It has raw meat in it!”
NOT FILLED WITH NUGGUT!
“Monkey meat!” Angel declare happily.
“What?!?!?!?!?!” I shout. “Are you crazy? You can’t give people chocolate cover monkey part! That is wrong! I mean really wrong, like beating up Nuns or hooking up with Paula Adrool during a show. What were you thinking?”
Angel had a psycho look in his eyes. “So you are telling me I can’t let them try my Monkey Clumps with caramel or the Monkey Way bars I made or my famous Mexican Monkey Brittle? That is so like you, trying to steal all the glory. And trying to make me look bad. You are just like my father. I'll kill you!!”
I look at Ralph, who shrugs. As Angel begins to get more worked up, I walk over and zap him with a stun gun. I grab some duct tape and secure him tight. I guess I’ll have to carry him to the end of the race.
I turn back to the kids, who are still spitting out the Monkey candy. “Hey lets something I made. These are toothpaste mint patties. The are minty and prevent cavities.
ANOTHER BAD TRY
“Here is a candy I made from something I found behind one of the Candy Lab table. I call them Good & Linty. Try one little girl.” I ask politely.
I GUESS NOT
I get the fanny pack from Angel and head back to the Candy lab. I quickly whip up some chocolate bars with almonds and caramel, wrap them and take them back to the kids”
“How about these candy bars kids? Would you come back and pay .75 cents for them.”
The children all jump up and down cheering “Yes, We would!” I give them most of the candy, grab Angel and move towards Piccadilly Circus.
Ralph asks “So what was so great about those candy bars?” I show him as we emerge at street level.
CANDY WITH SPECIAL WRAPPING
I run down the street as fast as I can, carrying the unconscious Angel. I can see Piccadilly Circus ahead. Only 100 yards to go …