Thursday, March 08, 2007

AOC: Oompa Bands and Candy for Kids


Angel, Ralph the Cameraman and I are standing before an interesting little man. He informed us that we must perform a song about an AMR3 racer using his cultural style. Angel and I confer for a bit then jump into a song.

Here is a song based on your early literary works.” I inform the Oompa Loompas gathered around.

But now, my dears, we think you might
Be thinking of Scott – is his brain all right?
That every single bit of blame
Due to his scorching eyes of flame
Should fall upon Scott?
Is he the only one at fault?
For though at Disneyland his team was last
Well don’t blame Warbird, cuz she had a great ass

Their toes were tapping, but I didn’t hear no clapping.” I whisper to Angel. Angel just rolls his eyes at my subtle word play.

I call out to the Oopmas “How about something a little more recent, maybe from 2005” I give them a rockers two finger wave and head nod and we start singing

Spiderman, here’s the scoop
You’re a great big nincompoop
Spiderman, so horney and vile
Left the show for reasons infantile
“Come on” he said “the time is ripe”
“For MJ and Emma to clean my pipes”
I know dear contestant it was a shame
But Spidy is just so lame
That Spiderman up and quit the game.


The crowd gives a golf clap. We could take it as a pass and move on, but I want these little guys to rock. “Ok, I see you are all coinsurer of great music, so lets go back in time a pull out a oldie but goodie.” I scream in to the mike. Angel start a drum beat and I break into our last song.

Oompa Loompa doompadee doo
Koma’s got a back-story for you
Oompa Loompa doompadah dee
It included a robotic Bea

What do you get from an Evil villain?
Whose partner was as dumb as Gillian.
Lots of trash talk and boastful shouts
Just before the final round, when they got kicked out.

Oompa Loompa doompadee dah

If you're not boastful then you will go far
Koma isn’t happy, cuz he talked a lot of smack
then he got beat by team of Angel and Tak
Oompa Loompa doompadah dac

The crowd goes wild. One Oompa jumps up on stage and start rocking out with us.


One group started dancing.


And I didn’t even know Oompas did this.

oopma loopma macking
Gettin’ Oompa with it

One of the Oompas gives me the Detour. Testing candy or making candy.

Let’s make some candy.” Angel tells me. “I am sure we can make a bunch of kids happy.”

Once at the candy labs Angel and I split up to work faster and within the hour we have developed 8 candies. I look at our candy tester.


Hey Kids, you ready to try some great new candies?” I shout out

Yeah!!!!!!” the testers yell back.

Angel insist in going first. “Try my Rhesus’ Pieces! They are chocolaty good.”

The first kid takes a bite and begins screaming. “It has raw meat in it!”


Monkey meat!” Angel declare happily.

What?!?!?!?!?!” I shout. “Are you crazy? You can’t give people chocolate cover monkey part! That is wrong! I mean really wrong, like beating up Nuns or hooking up with Paula Adrool during a show. What were you thinking?”

Angel had a psycho look in his eyes. “So you are telling me I can’t let them try my Monkey Clumps with caramel or the Monkey Way bars I made or my famous Mexican Monkey Brittle? That is so like you, trying to steal all the glory. And trying to make me look bad. You are just like my father. I'll kill you!!”

I look at Ralph, who shrugs. As Angel begins to get more worked up, I walk over and zap him with a stun gun. I grab some duct tape and secure him tight. I guess I’ll have to carry him to the end of the race.

I turn back to the kids, who are still spitting out the Monkey candy. “Hey lets something I made. These are toothpaste mint patties. The are minty and prevent cavities.

sour face 2

Strike one.

Here is a candy I made from something I found behind one of the Candy Lab table. I call them Good & Linty. Try one little girl.” I ask politely.

sour face

I get the fanny pack from Angel and head back to the Candy lab. I quickly whip up some chocolate bars with almonds and caramel, wrap them and take them back to the kids”

How about these candy bars kids? Would you come back and pay .75 cents for them.”

The children all jump up and down cheering “Yes, We would!” I give them most of the candy, grab Angel and move towards Piccadilly Circus.

Ralph asks “So what was so great about those candy bars?” I show him as we emerge at street level.


I run down the street as fast as I can, carrying the unconscious Angel. I can see Piccadilly Circus ahead. Only 100 yards to go …


Blogger Synth-Lin said...

Short but I did like the song about Koma. He always boasts so much and that Goldy ugh! Why is it always blondes with him. They really are his Kryptonite.

Those money wrapped bars were rather devious.

You know I'm a clone of sorts too. Maybe we could hook up some time.

Love you all.


4:50 PM  
Blogger Vegeta said...

Monkey Candy? (shudder)

7:35 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Are those two Oompettes making out? Hot.

8:44 PM  
Blogger Dark Jedi Kriss said...

I resmible that remark!

10:33 PM  
Blogger Merlyn Gabriel said...

Ugh monkey candy.... that just sounds wrong!

The red jump suit is shiny though...

4:57 AM  
Blogger cooltopten said...

lol I,m never gonna be able to look at oompas again after seeing them making out.Not that I look at them much anyways :)

6:02 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Give the Oompeytes a little butterscotch and they just go crazy sometimes.

6:16 AM  
Blogger Paula Abdrool said...

I would never hook up with a contestant on a show! Unless he or she were really hot. And liked chocolate covered rainbows, of course.

6:48 AM  
Blogger Randy said...

Yo dog, that candy was off tha hook!

I have to go to the johnny bowl now, that bunch had a lot of fiber in it.

4:55 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Why do I get the feeling that you two enjoyed making children cry with your crummy candy?

5:56 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Simon if I had truly wanted to make children cry, I would have put your face on the wrappers.

And thanks for being a judge .... you rotten rotten man.

11:19 PM  
Blogger Florence said...

Rock on Tak! to the sexy sounds of the Oompa-otron. but I thought you would make better candy though 'cause your so sweeeet.

hilarious, if I didn't have to suffer through the infnite verses of Jon's post before I got to yours :P


4:18 AM  

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