Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Jon and Nightcrawler: We be jammin'

“I don’t know, Jon,” Nightcrawler shook his head. “I don’t have much experience deprogramming cultists.”

“Yeah, but weren’t you a Catholic priest or something?” I asked.

“Not really,” he shrugged. “I am very religious though.”

“I know what you’re saying,” I replied. “So who should we grab?”

“It doesn’t matter to me,” Nightcrawler replied. “Let’s just get five. You don’t have a brainwash reverser on your sonic veapon do you?”

“Unfortunately no,” I answered. “We still might be able to use it though.”

We quickly snatched five of the cultists and took them to a theater. The theater was large and quiet, and we thought it would be a good place for me to work them over.

Unfortunately, the victims weren’t responding very well.

“Just convert already or I’ll shoot you again!” I growled as I held up my Wristcomm for them to see. The quintet cowered, but they still clung to their unusual beliefs.

“You’re not doing so well,” Nightcrawler said to me from the shadows. “Do you have a plan B?”

I shrugged a shook my head dejectedly.

With a clacking sound, we were bathed in the stage lights.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” a man stepped towards us. He was wearing a robe as was a couple dozen other people with him.

“Ah, we’re just trying to help these poor people here,” I answered.

“Nonsense,” the leader of the group replied. “These are members of Falun Gong and you’re trying to convert them, aren’t you?”

“Well, yeah but you know,” I paused and looked at the man. I looked at him again. “Wait, aren’t you Tim DeLaughter, lead singer of Polyphonc Spree?”

“Guilty as charged,” the musician grinned and gave a slight nod. “OK gang, one… two… three!”

The members of the group broke out into song.

Light and day is more than you'll say

Because all
My feelings are more
Than I can let by
Or not
More than you've got
Just follow the day

Follow the day and reach for the sun!

You don't see me flyin to the red
One more you're done
Just follow the seasons and find the time
Reach for the bright side
You don't see me flyin to the red
One more you're nuts
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the sun

Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the sun!

You don't see me flyin to the red
One more you're nuts
Just follow the seasons and find the time
Reach for the bright side
You don't see me flyin to the red
One more you're nuts
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the sun!

Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the sun!

Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the sun!

“Zat vas pretty catchy,” Nightcrawler said.

“Yeah, I do like that song,” I added.

“Thank you,” Tim said as other members of the group smiled and bowed.

“Nice… song…” one of the Falun Gong members stammered.

“Can you sing it again?” another asked.

“Sure,” one of the Spree singers answered gleefully. “We sing this all the time.”

“All the time!” other members of the band agreed.

“Wait, wait,” I held up my hands. “I have an idea here. You guys aren’t a cult, are you?”

“Ah, no,” replied Tim.

“You are all part of a major religion, right?”

“Well sure, we all believe in God,” Tim replied.

“I’m Presbyterian!” one of them added happily.

“Zat’s good.” Nightcrawler leaned towards me. “Who’s he?”

“I don’t know,” I answered quietly. “They all look like dudes in robes to me.”

“So why are you asking?” Tim asked. “Can we move this along? We have a concert here this evening.”

“How would you guys like five more members?” I enquired.

“Who these guys? Sure, we’re in the middle of a Far East tour,” Tim answered. “We could use a few locals for flavor. Are you guys musicians?”

“I play maracas,” one said.

“I guess I can sing,” another said. The other three looked at each other and nodded.

“Then we’d be glad to have you join us,” the leader of the group said delightedly.

“One more thing….” I said.

“Now you’re pushing it,” Tim smiled at me. “What do you want?”

I opened up a secret compartment on my Wristcomm and pulled out a kazoo. “Mind if I join you?”

“Sure! How about your mutant friend here?”

“Ahh, I don’t know, do you have a wood block or triangle or something?”

“We sure do! Let’s jam!”

7 Comments:

Blogger Simon said...

You were supposed to turn them christian*, not gay.






*subsitute religion of preference here

12:59 AM  
Blogger cooltopten said...

Lets JAM :) ,Thats cool ..

4:00 AM  
Blogger Synth-Lin said...

hey thats the polyphonic spree. I love them they made robes cool again.

4:23 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

And Prof X accused me of using PG coercion techniques on the Falen Gong.

Let me just say that the Polyphonc Spree ain’t no Lana Lane, Queen of Syphonic Rock

3:38 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Technically I don't think you can rock out on a kazoo. Good luck with that though.

8:14 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I totally rock the kazoo. My dream is to start an all-kazoo band. Our name would be Kazooka Joe.

9:36 PM  
Blogger Paula Abdrool said...

The kazoo is a beautiful instrument! It's what the angels play their harp strings break.

11:15 AM  

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