Jon and Nightcrawler: You know the name of King Kong

“Ve’re going to vhat?”

“We’re doing both Detour challenges,” I said.

“Both?” Nightcrawler couldn’t believe his ears. “How?”

“It’ll be easy,” I answered. “We’ll befriend the big guy, then he’ll help us fight the dinosaurs. It’ll work; I’m really good with animals.”

“You’re good vith animals?”

“Oh yeah, I get it from my father. There was a robin in our backyard that used to land on his shoulder all the time.”

“Ja, but getting a giant monkey to be our freund isn’t the same as getting your dog to beg for a treat, you know.”

“Yeah yeah, I know. I got it though.”

“Ja? So where is he?”

“I don’t know, I just assumed that finding a giant ape on an island would be easy.”

Suddenly a dull rumble sounded from the jungle. It grew louder and louder and a puddle near us began to ripple from the vibration. King Kong appeared from around an immense cliff face.

“Hey Kong!” I yelled out.

The colossal simian beat his chest and roared out the loudest howl imaginable.

“He’s huge!” Nightcrawler looked at the monkey towering over us. “Ten times as big as a man.”

“Bah weep granah weep ninni bong!” I yelled out. The monkey stopped roaring and looked at us curiously.

“Vhat did you just say?” my mutant buddy asked.

“It’s the universal greeting,” I answered logically.

“Vhich universe?”

Before I could answer, the gigantic creature reached down and hoisted me high up into the air. I yelped at the stomach-turning ride, which seemed to amuse the creature quite a bit.

“Say, Kong,” I said. “You wanna go beat up some dinosaurs?”

King Kong’s tongue lolled out and he shook his head up and down. He started running towards the dinosaur park, Nightcrawler had to rush to keep up. We were ready to spring into action when the ponderous primate held up his prodigious paw and shook his head. He placed us down on a giant rock and tore into the thunder lizards with a frenetic fury. Nightcrawler and I stood with our mouths agape as our new friend beat the primitive lizards senseless.

“Vow…” Nightcrawler barely managed to exhale.

“I can’t believe Kong just tore the tail off that one and is now beating him with it!”

The reptiles were no match and were soon defeated by King Kong. With that little bit of business wrapped up, the giant ape scooped us up again and carried us over to the grandstand for the pictures.

We stood there smiling for the cameras when my earlier meal started to get the better of me. My stomach rumbled a bit, then growled a bit, then despite my best efforts, gas erupted from my backside.

“Ew.” Nightcrawler crinkled his nose. “Zat was awful.”

“Sorry about that,” I shrugged sheepishly. “I cut the cheese.”

Kong smelled it too. He crinkled his own nose, then howled and beat his chest and rumbled off back into the jungle from where he came.

“I can’t believe that your flatulence chased him off like zat,” Nightcrawler said.

“Yes,” I said glumly. “It was booty that illed the beast.”