Friday, February 23, 2007

Junk Pirates, Sea Cucumbers, and a few dilemas

Cal and I get to the starting point and all I can think of is Goldy and wether she's Kerrick or not. She's the same height, has the same colour eyes, and almost the same weight. I'm sure Goldy's not Kerrick. But what if she is?
"A kiss for good luck." says Goldy and she kisses me.
I don't answer her kiss with the same enthusiasim.
"Austin your supposed to at least fake that your interested." she playfully scolds
"Sorry just a bit under pressure I've never gone first before." Its not the best excuse. But I think she buys it.
"Now we both know thats a lie Austin." she smiles joking. At least I think she's joking. She walks off and Brad joins me.
"Man she's something Koma." compliments Brad watching Goldy. "How did you get a girl like her?"
"Cause she either loves me or is trying to kill me." I reply.
"Good joke Koma." chuckles Brad.

We get moving and there's this Junk Steamer ready to take us to Skull Island.
I don't like the look of the crew.

"Hi I'm Captain Asian Bad Guy." introduces the Captain.
"Welcome to the Red Hell."
I really don't trust these guys.
"Its a 3 hour cruise. What could go wrong?" says Brad tempting fate.
An hour into the trip and we hit the fog that permenatly surrounds Skull Island. Also my sensors notice the ship begins to sail off course. I find Cal in the Galley playing poker with some of the crew (and loosing badly mind you) I ask him to come over.
"Hey I just got a great hand, I could win some money back." he complains.
"Cal they're Pirates. They've been cheating all along. But thats the least of our worries, the ship just went off course." I tell him.
"So. Ships change course casue of hidden reefs and bad weather. Your paranoid Koma. Why would the CBS people send us off on a Junk manned by Pirates?" questions Cal.
"Ratings." I answer.
"Yeah Koma! replies Cal sarcasticly. "Like I really beleive that. When do you think they'll make there move?" He taunts.
"By the look on Brad's face. I'd say they've already made it." I answer. Brad is being led into the Galley he's tied up and the Pirates are all grinning wickedly.
Ooops! Wrong pic.
My bad guy thought is to let them kill Brad. Then while they're distracted by Brad's senseless and gory death, kill them. Unfortunately having your camera person die comes with a penalty. So we gotta save Brad.
"You will do as we say or the camera man dies." orders Captain Asian Bad Guy.
"We gotta do something NOW Koma." demands Cal.
I teleport Brad away.
"Bah!" Curses Captain Asian Bad Guy. "What are you two of you going to do against all of us. Bwhahahahahaha!" he laughs. The crew all follow thier very stupid Captain.
"Now." asks Cal.
"Wait a second." I tell him.
"Whoa! that was a trip." says Brad now with his camera, so he can take footage of Cal and I beating the crap out of the Pirates. Can't afford not to get the ratings can we.
We lock the Pirates up in the hold and take command of the Junk. It's not long till we're on Skull Island.
"Damn I'm hungry." complains Cal "There was nothing to eat on that Junk but chillies." .
"Well that must mean its Junk Food." Jokes Brad.
I remind myself I can't kill Brad and go and find what the Roadblock is.

"Just how hungry are you Cal?" I ask after I've read the Roadblock.
"Koma I already told you I'm famished. Don't expect me to use some stupid phrase like 'I could eat a horse.'" snaps Cal. Gee the hunger is making him really touchy.
Despite this I had a dilema. Was I really the kind of guy who'd trick his teammate into eating something disgusting so I didn't. You know what, I am.
"Your in luck Cal, cause the Roadblock involves eating a feast." I tell him.
"'Bout time one of these damn Roadblocks involved something good." replies Cal.
However, after he gets to view said feast. Cal is not so happy.
"Koma whats this?" he says pointing at something green.
"Its sea cucumber. Also kown as Trepang in Indonesia. Its a delicacy." I tell him.
"Oh really." He took a bite of the delicacy."Well its an aquired taste Koma."
"Here try some of this." I hand him a bottle of Sweet Thai Chilli sauce.
"Yeah! That adds some flavour Koma." thanks Cal. And with the aid of the chilli sauce he finishes the feast. All the natives are gathered around.
"You think they hadn't they seen someone eat before." remarks Cal.
"What is this flavour you spoke of?" asks one of the crowd.
"Its chilli sauce." I answer.
"May we try some of this sauce?" he begs.
We give the guy some of the sauce. He holds the bottle like its the Holy Grail. He tastes some of it and he smiles.
"Can we have the recipe for the sauce? Our food has no flavour, we really need this." asks the taster.
"Well I don't have the recipe on me but the Junk we arrived in has a whole load of chilli. They have seeds in them and you can grow them." I tell them. Then I remeber the Pirates "Oh but watch out for the...Pirates in..the." but they'd already raced off in the direction of the Junk Steamer. I'm sure some good will come of this, just what I don't know.

I get the Roadblock but Cal snatches it from my hands.
"You chose me for the feast Koma so I get to choose the Roadblock. It's only fair." threatens Cal.
"I choose the Dinosaurs." grins the Albino Mutant wickedly. He knows I'd prefer dealing with the giant ape than a horde of vicious dinosaurs, but it was his turn.
"Its your choice. So whats your plan Cal?" I ask.
"We find the dinosaurs and beat them up Koma. What could be more simpler." he replies still smiling.
And that was the plan. So we went searching for the dinosaurs.
After twenty minutes we hadn't found anything not even a turtle.
Then suddenly Cal sees something.
"There are some dinosaurs over in that cave." he points out.
We carefully make our way silently to the cave. I pull out a stun grenade and I'm about to throw it in when one of the dinosaurs sticks its head out of the cave.
"Little Foot is it safe now. Huh huh is it." asks someone from inside.
"Arrrgh!" screams the one looking out of the cave. "Arrrrgh!" Quickly it scurries back into the cave.
Cal and I enter the cave and there they are.
Great! Of all the dinosaurs on this island we find these ones.
"Hey they're hoo-mans not Purple's." says one. And with that Cal and I are surrounded by the cute dinosaurs.
"What are Purple's?" asks Cal.
"They are Purple's and if they bite you, you become a Purple too." answers the one called Little Foot."We are all that is left. Please help us."
I look at Cal and he looks at me.
--- Later---
"So it seems neither of us can say NO to cute little dinosaurs." I gripe to myself as we follow Little Foot and the others to where they last saw the Purple's. Then the cute dinosaurs stop.
"We dare not go any further." he tells us visibly shaking. "The Purple's are over the hill."
Cal and I look over the hill and we see the Purple's.
"Barney's, lots of f$#%ing Barney's." I swear.
"Yeah!" grins Cal."I always hated Barney." And with that Cal runs down the hill into the purple haze of Barney's.
I draw my Blaster and lay down some covering fire for Cal's attack.
With his claws he scythe's though the rows of Barney's but their weight of numbers overwhelms him. They all pile on top of him and I'm quite sure they begin suffocating him. Fortunately I have my trusty jetpack with me. From right above the pile of Barney's suffocating Cal, I fire. They blow up really well. The other Barney's scatter from my airborne assault. I land to find Cal still alive but there's this nasty purple rash on his neck.
"Cal are you all right." I ask hesitantly.
"Two and Two are Four." answers Cal with a jokeresque grin on his face.
"What are these things zombie Barney's." I scream. And it hits me. 'if they bite you, you become a Purple too.' is what Little Foot said. They are zombies.
"And I made a cure for zombies." I shout. I fumble with my belt for the the zombie cure in a spray can (for easy application). I spray it on Cal. It works! The purple rash shrinks and the grin fades from his face.
"Koma what happened?" he asks.
"You were infected and were quickly turning into a Barney zombie." I told him.
"You used the cure. Smart one Koma." says Cal. "Now we can cure the rest of the dinosaurs."
"But we're in a race Cal. We need to win." I remind him. "If we spend time here curing all of the Barney's it'll take days."
"We can cure the others." offers Little Foot and his pals who had been watching with Brad safe on the hill.
"It'll take more than you guys to cure all of those Barney's." I tell them. And now I have another dilema do I A - Help these cute dinosaurs to rid Skull Island of the Barney zombies. Or B - Leave them to a horrible fate while I make sure I don't lose this leg of AMR3. I know what I want to do. I know what Cal wants to do.
"Goldy would want you to save the dinosaurs." says Cal.
"She would Koma. Chicks dig self-sacrifice." agrees Brad.
So thats what we do.
"Ok."I remind myself. "Remember you sacrificed any chance of not loosing this leg for Goldy."
I'm flying in a co-ordinated strike with Cal, and the cute dinosaurs on the ground and me with a few hundred flying synthoids spraying the Barney zombies out of existance. While doing this I multi-task by reassuring myself this was a good decision.
"I wouldn't have done this for cute dinosaurs, for Cal. Oh and definately not for Brad. Yeah this ones for Goldy. And you know what I don't care if she's Kerrick or not. I can deal with her trying to kill me. What relationship doesn't have its drawbacks. I'm sure I can work around it. I am an evil genius."
The cure takes effect quickly and the Barney's change back into dinosaurs. I also find sometime to compose myself.
Then I teleport us back to the village out in front of the medicine mans hovel as Chuck so quaintly described it. Cal and I looked around for a Bea Arthur to appear. Nope she wasn't there.
Just the medicine man and his pin up girls.


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

The horror.... the horror...

11:27 AM  
Blogger Paula Abdrool said...

Those dinasaurs are adorable! I just want to take them home and eat them up with rainbow colored jelly beans!

4:54 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

You know, I don't think there's a penalty for a cameraman dieing of old age.

11:32 PM  
Blogger captain koma said...

Very true Gyrobo.
But there's more instantaneous pleasure in killing someone before they die than waiting till they die of natural causes.

Especially when they keep on telling bad jokes like Brad does.

4:39 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

And I thought getting pimp slap around by Kong was bad. Barnies *shudders*

9:52 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

The Flintstones had a purple dinosaur for a pet, right? I wonder if those Barnies are house broken.

9:36 AM  

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