Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Jon and Nightcrawler:Skydiving and Sin City

“I am surprised zat you do not vant to take this challenge, Jon,” Nightcrawler said. “Seeing as how you are a big Airborne Army guy. Real American Hero, nein?”

“Yeah, well I haven’t jumped in a long time,” I answered. “Not since that incident over Macho Grande.”

“Over Macho Grande?”

“No, I’m afraid that I’ll never be over Macho Grande,” I exhaled heavily. “Besides, you’re the resident acrobat. You’ll kick butt and take names in this challenge.”

“Ja, zat is true,” Nightcrawler conceded. “I am very acrobatic. I could probably do zis vith my eyes closed.”

“See, that’s the spirit,” I said. “Don’t forget your costume.”

“Ach! I hate ze feeling of cheap polyester on my fur.”

“Rubs you the wrong way, huh?”

“You could say zat,” my mutant friend answered. “So vhy are ve talking like zis anyway?”

“It’s called banter,” I replied. “All good superhero teams do the banter thing. Look at Justice League Europe – all they did was banter. Don’t you guys on the X-Men banter?”

“Ja, I suppose,” he shrugged. “I guess we fit it in between all the ‘I’m the best at what I do and what I do ain’t pretty’ and ‘I must keep my eyes behind these special ruby quartz glasses, lest my uncontrollable optic blasts be unleashed,’ you know.”

“True dat,” I said.

“What?”

“I smell what you’re cooking.”

“What?”

“Catchphrase! Catchphrase! That’s how I roll!”

Nightcrawler shrugged and headed for the DC-3. As the prop plane lifted off into the skies, I started to worry that perhaps I didn’t get the friendly, swashbuckling adventurer for a partner that I thought I had. Maybe I got the brooding, studying-to-be-a-Catholic priest version.

“Nah,” I thought out loud. “We’ve been getting along so well. We’re the best team on this dang show.”

I looked around.

“Right?” I said into the camera (I don’t get to break the fourth wall very often).

The plane carrying the Elvi and Nightcrawler soared into the sky. Ten laughing Elvi cheered and sang for their new teammate. Soon, the side door was opened and the eleven skydivers leapt out of the plane. They flew to each other, grabbing arms and legs, then spinning and forming pinwheels and spokes. After their time in the air came to an end, the boogey woogey parachutists pulled their ripcords and floated safely to the Earth. Nightcrawler shuffled off his parachute harness and ran up to me.

“Did you see that, Jon?” he asked excitedly. “Zat vas ze funnest challenge yet!”

“Yeah, you looked like you had a good time up there. Time for us to head to Vegas, though.”

“Then Let’s go!” the mutant said excitedly.

In due time, we reached Vegas. I told Nightcrawler our plan was to work as Celine Dion’s lackey.

“Was?” He couldn’t believe it. “Vhy would you want to be her lackey. I thought you were an entertainer.”

“Don’t worry, Nightcrawler,” I assured him. “I’ve got an angle.”

We were quickly introduced to the singer. Before anyone could say anything, I reached up and pulled off her mask.

“Aha!” I exclaimed. “I knew it!”

“Get out of my dressing room!” the Fembot Celine exclaimed.

“Are we fired?” I asked.

“Yes! Get! Out!”

“Let’s go do the show,” I said to Nightcrawler. We quickly made our way to the stage.

“Awww mutants, nothing but mutants
Give me those mutants
Don’t let them end

Oh mutants
They’re not pollutants
Please let those mutants stay

And hey!
How about that nutty Mutant Race
Can you forget those crazy folks racing there

And hey!
Professor X is leading that team
Saving the world again and again and again
Yeow!

Mutants, those crazy mutants
Thank you, everybody. You’re great!

“Welcome to the Cirque du Mutant. We’ve got a great show here tonight! Amazing Nightcrawler is here. Anybody here from Chicago?”

“Bear down, Chicago Bears
Make every play clear the way to victory;
Bear down, Chicago Bears
Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation
With your T-formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears
And let them know why you're wearing the crown.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, bear down.

“Thank you everybody. Go Bears, huh? What, you’re a New Orleans fan? Yow. OK, is everybody ready for a little excitement? Let me introduce to you… The Amazing Nightcrawler!”

Nightcrawler teleported onto stage and bowed to the applause.

“Danke,” he said. “Veilen dank.”

He quickly flipped and cart wheeled off the stage. The audience was too surprised to react, but just as quickly, he was lowered back onto the stage on a trapeze. Thirty feet in the air, the agile mutant spun around and around. Flipping and spinning and swinging, he performed miraculous stunts with his hands, feet, and tail. Nightcrawler then nimbly dove to the ground, threw his hands up then bowed once again for the applause.

Nightcrawler then teleported away, then instantly teleported back holding three torches. He started juggling them, tossing them high into the air and flipping them behind his back. He bowed a third time and the audience responded with clapping and cheering.

For his final sequence, Nightcrawler disappeared off stage and reappeared holding two machetes and a running chainsaw. He leapt up onto a balance beam and began juggling the deadly implements while holding himself in place on one foot. When he was finished, he bowed for the last time to the thunderous applause. I stepped back onto stage.

“You got the touch
You got the power

After all is said and done
You've never walked, you've never run,
You're a winner

You got the moves, you know the streets
Break the rules, take the heat
You're nobody's fool

You're at your best when when the goin' gets rough
You've been put to the test, but it's never enough

You got the touch
You got the power

When all hell's breakin' loose
You'll be riding the eye of the storm

You got the heart
You got the motion

You know that when things get too tough
You got the touch

You never bend, you never break
You seem to know just what it takes
You're a fighter

It's in the blood, it's in the will
It's in the mighty hands of steel
When you're standin' your ground

And you never get hit when your back's to the wall
Gonna fight to the end and you're takin' it all

You got the touch
You got the power

When all hell's breakin' loose
You'll be riding the eye of the storm

You got the heart
You got the motion

You know that when things get too tough
You got the touch

You're fightin' fire with fire
You know you got the touch

You're at your best when when the road gets rough
You've been put to the test, but it's never enough

You got the touch
You got the power

You got the touch
You got the power

“Thank you everybody, goodnight!”

10 Comments:

Blogger Paula Abdrool said...

You are awesome!! They might as well end this contest right now and declare you the winner!!

10:18 AM  
Blogger Mr. Bennet said...

Great job. But I think weren't fast enough. AOC and whoever he's with might have a chance to catch up.

11:38 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

What a great floor show. But where were the dancing ladies showing of their "puppies"?

Nightcrawler may be a little interspective, but can you blame the poor guy with his early childhood, being all blue, looking like a demon and having to live with Logan, Scott and Gaia. Come on, who among us could do that and end up as noraml as Nightcrawler has become.

12:59 PM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

Jon, did only one post????

5:06 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Yeah, I'm just so tired...

5:44 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Nightcrawler certainly knows how to play to the crowd.

7:39 PM  
Blogger Randy said...

Yo Nightcrawler-dog, you brought your A game! Good job.

As for your singing Jon, eh, I've heard better.

10:02 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Burn!!!! Oh man Jon, Randy burned you good.

I overheard Randy sayiny that your singing is so bad you should get some white armor and join the G.A.R. ...... Hey wait a minute ....

12:55 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

I think I'm a Bears fan now.

3:32 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Hmph!

7:56 PM  

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