G.I. Jon and Nightcrawler part 5, The Amusement Park of Terror

Previously on G.I. Joe, the Joe team’s efforts to rescue the four nuclear scientists from the Terrordrome were thwarted when Cobra Commander launched the scientists across the globe. Teams freed Dr. Brown, Dr. White, and Dr. Blonde from their Cobra captors while a comatose Duke fights for his life at Joe headquarters. Unknown to the Joes, Cobra Commander’s plan was just a diversion for the true threat – the development of a new super weapon within the Terrordrome itself. Can the Joes rescue the final scientist and stop Cobra Commander’s plan once and for all? Stay tuned to find out.

*** The Amusement Park of Terror ***

Leatherneck, Gung Ho, Blowtorch, Recondo, Cover Girl, and Nightcrawler were joined by Lieutenant Renar from the Pentagon. They were just outside the Zartan’s Amusement Park of Terror and ready to strike.

“Now remember Joes,” Lt. Renar stated. “If engaging in a firefight is absolutely necessary, please try use the least amount of ammunition as possible. I am going to have to take a report back to Washington about the expenses you incur with these little battles of yours.”

“Sometimes we have to expend a lot of ammo at times like these,” Leatherneck protested.

“Oh, I am sure you boys need your guns,” she admonished. “But the Pentagon is awfully worried about your expenditures.”

“Darn desk jockeys,” Gung Ho grumbled. “We’ve got a war to fight!”

“Something isn’t right here,” Nightcrawler said quietly to Cover Girl. “Vhy vould this noncombatant be involved in a dangerous situation like this?”

“It happens from time to time,” she whispered back. “They make a lot of effort keeping tabs on our actions.”

“Ja, but vhy vould she be here with us now?”

“I don’t know,” Cover Girl answered. “But I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“I see movement over by the Cyclone.” Recondo pointed over to the roller coaster. “Take a look.”

“It looks like some kind of radar,” Nightcrawler said.

“And the cables from it lead right down that shack,” Leatherneck added.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Gung Ho said impatiently. “Let’s go, yo Joe!”

“Yeah, let’s light the place up,” Blowtorch agreed.

The Joes and Nightcrawler rushed the shack followed by Renar but there was no response if anyone was actually in the building. They quickly reached it and pulled Professor Pink out.

“Where is everybody?” Leatherneck asked.

“I… I don’t know,” the scientist answered.

“I’ll tell you where,” Lt. Renar laughed. She then pulled off a rubber mask revealing herself to be the Baroness.

“See!” Nightcrawler shouted. “I knew something was up.”

“Aw, I can’t believe we fell for it!” Gung Ho threw his hat down on the ground. “That’s the third time this week.”

“And I brought some friends,” the Baroness cackled. “Foolish Joes! You’ll never make it out alive! These B.A.T.s will make short work out of you!”

Giddy that her evil plan succeeded, the Baroness ran behind a line of robots. The automatons raised their flame throwers, laser weapons, and clawed hands and marched towards the Joe team. Laughing, the Baroness climbed into the cockpit of a Rattler and flew off into the dark skies.

“That lousy witch!” Leatherneck growled. “We’ll get her yet.”

“I kind of like her, well, except for the evil part,” Nightcrawler said. “Her voice kind of reminds me of a drag queen I knew from das Vaterland.”

“Oh yes, I like her very much as well,” said Blowtorch. “She is quite the respectable comrade.”

“Blowtorch, what are you saying?” Cover Girl asked.

“Oh, I’m not Blowtorch at all!” The faux Joe pulled away his mask.

“Zartan!” Recondo yelled.

“That’s right, Joes!” the master of disguise laughed. “And you fell for our trap!”

“Dangit!” Gung Ho kicked his hat.

“Why I aughta pound you, you slimy snake!” Recondo stalked towards Zartan with his fists clenched.

“You have other things to worry about, Joe!” Zartan laughed some more. “The B.A.T.s are still approaching.”

Zartan ran laughing to his swamp skier, hopped onto it and rode off into the night. The Cobra robots approached closer and started firing.

“If we get out of this, I’ll hug each and every one of you,” Cover Girl muttered while returning fire.

“Really?” Recondo asked. “If we get out of this I’ll take you out for the biggest steak you’ve ever seen.”

“I might just take you up on that,” Cover Girl replied. “We just have to -- oh no!”

The B.A.T.s bore down on the Joe team.

*** Meanwhile at the Terrordrome ***

“The Baroness just reported that the Joe team fell for our trap at the Amusement Park of Terror, my dear Cobra Commander,” Destro said to the terrorist leader.

“Ssssplendid, Dessstro.” Cobra Commander tapped his fingertips together. “Now let me show you my new ultimate weapon!”

“Finally,” Destro replied. “You have been keeping this a secret from even me.”

“Yesss, but this will ensure the downfall of the Joe team once and for all.” The Commander pressed a control button and a large cannon lifted out of the floor.

“Why, that looks almost exactly like my Weather Dominator.” If Destro were wont to gasp, he may have done it at this moment.

“That’ssss right. I took what was left of it after the Joe team destroyed it and combined it with new technologies to make even more deadly than ever! My old friend, allow me to introduce to you, the Weather Cheesinator!”

“The what?” Destro could not believe his beryllium steel-covered ears.

“Yesss, the Weather Cheesinator,” Cobra Commander said slyly. “This weapon will cause velvety Arbco Farms Brand Creamy Cheese Product to rain down from the sky. Airportsss will crawl to a halt! Military basesss would be covered! Imagine the leaderssss of the entire world crawling through rich, smooth cheese product to beg uss to stop it!”

Destro was silent for a moment.

“Well, what do you think?”

“Well, I am surprised that you actually reused a scheme,” Destro stated objectively. “It might actually be monetarily wise to do so more often.”

“Who shall we hit firsssst? London? Tokyo? Moscow? Oh, I know Washington!”

Laughing maniacally, Cobra Commander started pushing buttons to raise the Weather Cheesinator high above the Terrordrome. Energy crackled around the weapon as it hummed to life.

*** Meanwhile at the Amusement Park of Terror ***

“I have an idea,” Nightcrawler said. “Keep ze robots busy, vill you come with me, Gung Ho?”

“Sure,” the Cajun answered. Nightcrawler grabbed him and teleported away.

“Great,” grumbled Leatherneck. “And I’m the bait.”

“What? You want to live forever?” Recondo answered and poured laserfire at the unstoppable robots.

Nightcrawler appeared at the base of the roller coaster with Gung Ho.

“Ve need to pull these tracks off and aim them over there,” the adventurous mutant said.

“I see what the plan is. Let’s do it!” With their strength they pulled the tracks out of place and aimed them towards the B.A.T.s. “Now what?”

“Get out of zeh vay.” With an implosion of smoke, he disappeared. A few seconds later, he flew past the startled Marine in the front car of the coaster. The high speed, miniature train flew through the air and crashed into the robots. Nightcrawler dove and rolled away as robot parts flew threw the air.

“Yeah! Alright! Yo Joe!” the Joes all cheered.

*** Meanwhile at the Terrordrome ***

“Sleep peacefully, Washington,” Cobra Commander chortled. “For tomorrow you will be under three feet of delicious cheese product!”

“Fire away, my dear Cobra Commander!” Destro urged.

Suddenly, the floor of the Terrordrome crumbled away.

“Yo Joe!” Led by Duke, the Joe team and I popped up through the new hole.

“G.I. Joe!” Cobra Commander wailed.

“And Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator!” Destro added.

“Duke? Out of a coma?” the Commander rasped. “That’s unbelievable!”

“No, not unbelievable,” said Duke ruggedly. “The fact that Jim Belushi is still on television is unbelievable!”

“But how did you get here?” Destro said surprised.

“You can thank the competent city planners of Springfield Missouri and their world-class sewer system,” I announced.

The Weather Cheesinator exploded in a hail of gunfire.

Cobra Commander and Destro quickly ran to Trouble Bubbles and flew to escape.

“Cobra! Retreat! Retreat!” the Commander wailed.

“Yo Joe!” the Joe team yelled out.

*** Later, in Branson Missouri ***

“What a great idea sharing a few bottles of Yo-Joe Cola.” General Hawk clinked his drink against mine. “And doing it right here at your Pit Stop at the Roy Rogers museum in Branson was even better.”

“Yeah, you guys kind of filled up the parking lot with your H.A.V.O.K’s and VAMP’s,” I laughed. “There was barely a space for our SUV.”

“So do you know if you won this leg of the race?” Falcon asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered. “We got to about 100 feet away and I looked around and saw some other contestants right there with us.”

“Ja,” Nightcrawler nodded. “We now have to wait for ze judges’ decision.”

“Well, you guys did so well that we want to make you honorary Joes,” Flint said.

“Really?” I said. “Wow. This is an honor. You guys are one of the reasons I joined the Army.”

“We are?” asked Hawk.

“Sure, I always wanted one of those spring loaded harpoon firing shoulder mounted bazookas. They never issued me one, though.”

“Aww, I don’t want to wear this,” Recondo complained.

“You said you were going to take me out,” Cover Girl said. “You gotta dress up a little to impress a lady.”

Nightcrawler, the Joes, and I laughed. Although I have to admit that I'm not really sure why, it really didn’t seem that funny.