Wednesday, January 10, 2007

G.I. Jon and Nightcrawler Part 3: The Jungle of Doom

Previously on G.I. Joe, the Joe team attacked the Terrordrome located in Springfield in order to rescue the captured scientists inside only to see them launched to four corners of the Earth by a Cobra rocket. Flint along with Jon the intergalactic Gladiator led a Joe team to the Arctic in order to rescue Dr. Brown. Now a second Joe team and Nightcrawler head to the Jungle of Doom to rescue the second missing scientist. Meanwhile, Duke’s life hangs in the balance after he slipped into a coma following a blow to the head.

*** At the Cobra Terrordrome ***

“I fail to see how your plan to launch the nuclear scientists across the globe will defeat the Joe team, my dear Cobra Commander.” Destro’s polished beryllium steel facemask shone under the lights. “If I did not know better, I would accuse you of being mad.”

“Mad am I, Destro?” the Commander hissed. “Thisss isss all a mere diversion. Thiss is all to keep G.I. Joe busy while we finish what we are doing here.”

“Your wild schemes have failed before, my dear Cobra Commander,” Destro replied. “You put too much of your resources into weather dominators, serpent-shaped flying fortresses, and dinosaur clones only to meet defeat by the resourceful and resilient Joe team.”

“Have a care, Dessstro,” the terrorist leader snapped back. “Consider yourself fortunate that I am the cartoon incarnation of Cobra Commander, were I the comic version I would be far more ruthless and evil.”


“I kicked Serpentor’sss butt, you know,” Cobra Commander hissed.

“Yes, I know, my dear Cobra Commander.”

“I alsssso shot Hawk in the back,” the hooded figure rasped.

“I know that as well. I was there.”

“I even kicked a dog.”

“Enough, my dear Cobra Commander,” the weapon's dealer clenched his fist. “I am well aware of your ruthlessness and am prepared to watch this scenario play out.”

“Then do join me as we watch the defeat of the Joe team on this giant telemonitor.”

*** On board a Tomahawk flying through the Jungle of Doom ***

“We’re near the site now,” Lift-Ticket told Airborne from the pilot’s seat. “You want to poke your head back there and let the boys know?”

“You bet, Lift-Ticket.” Airborne leaned back towards the passengers. “We’re almost there, gang. Get ready to hop out.”

Nightcrawler looked at his companions: Quick Kick, Spirit, Scarlett, and Snake Eyes, the silent ninja. The team was led by Beach Head.

“Alright Joes,” the ranger drawled. “We’re here because we’re the sneakiest, dirtiest, meanest, baddest bunch around. The plan is to get to get in there and get that nuclear scientist out of there. Yo Joe.”

“You got it, schweetheart,” Quick Kick replied, imitating Humphrey Bogart’s voice.

The transport helicopter slowed to a hover and the Joes hopped out. Their mutant teammate teleported to the ground right next to them.

“Vhere to?” Nightcrawler asked.

“The satellite readings point to a bunker just a few miles due North,” Scarlett said.

“Time to get a move on, pardners,” Quick Kick rumbled in a faux John Wayne voice.

“Less talkin’ more walkin,’” Beach Head growled.

The team quickly moved their way to the discreet Cobra Bunker. All was quiet at the Bunker, which was built in a clearing near a short rocky cliff.

“Looks quiet,” Beach Head stated from behind a pair of binoculars.

“Mmm, you know how looks can be deceiving,” Spirit commented. “They must surely be in there waiting for us.”

“No doubt,” Beach Head agreed. “How do we move that last 80 meters that are in the open?”

“I can teleport in zere,” Nightcrawler offered. “I could also make short vork of anyone who ist in zere as well.”

“I like that idea.” From behind his balaclava, Beach Head smiled. “But how are you going to—”

Suddenly bright lights illuminated the foliage.

“Welcome to the party, Joes.” Scrap Iron’s voice growled through a set of loudspeakers. “Let’s start it out with a bang!”

Several missiles sailed from the bunker and exploded against trees, ground, and rock. The Joe team scrambled to dodge the impact and shrapnel.

“Well this is not good,” Spirit huffed from behind a tree.

“You got a teargas arrow with you, Scarlett?” Beach Head asked.

“I brought one for just such an occasion.” Scarlett aimed her crossbow and let loose a bolt from it. “Chew on this, Cobra!”

The bolt sailed into a porthole of the bunker and with a pop, the teargas started hissing from the canister. Coughing Cobras began pouring out of the bunker.

Nightcrawler was so busy watching the battle that he didn’t notice the barrel of a rifle emerge from the shrubbery behind him. The weapon tracked towards the mutant, the owner of it was unusually stealthy, but he would soon have his prize.

*** At Joe Headquarters ***

Doc and Cover Girl were rushing Duke to the infirmary.

“Do you think Duke stands a chance, Doc?” the fashion model turned tank driver asked.

“A bump to the head like that might kill an ordinary man,” Doc replied. “Fortuntaely, Duke’s no ordinary man.”

“So he’s going to pull through?”

“Lifeline and I will do our best,” the medical expert replied. “We just have to figure out what’s going on in that brain of his.”

*** In the Jungle of Doom ***

The Cobra trooper with the rifle took careful aim. Slowly, he exhaled and began to squeeze the trigger. Many of these Cobra troopers were cannon fodder. Noisy and clumsy, they littered the battlefield with their shouting and wild shots. He, however, was a Crimson Guard. The elite of the elite. He went to law school, he owned a BMW, and he was an expert marksman. With the slightest click, it would all be over for this mutant Joe.

The laser rifle discharged, but a karate chop from a hand at the last second knocked the aim off. A second blow to the Crimson Guard’s neck ushered his way to unconsciousness.

“Ah, vielen dank, Snake Eyes,” Nightcrawler said to the masked commando. “I like how you operate.”

Snake Eyes flashed him a thumbs up and melted into the darkness.

“Ja, I like your style.” Nightcrawler bamfed into the bunker then quickly bamfed back. “Zere is no scientist in zere.”

“It was some kind of trap,” Beach Head growled. “Now how are we gonna find him?”

“Perhaps I can be of assistance,” came a mysterious voice.

“Vas ist?”

“It’s Storm Shadow!” yelled Scarlett.

“If you have come here to fight, a fight you will get,” Spirit raised his fists.

“I have not come here to wage war,” the ninja replied. “I have come to settle a debt to my blood brother. You will find Dr. White in a cave just over there.”

Snake Eyes dashed off to the cave and quickly emerged with the scientist.

“Vait, I am confused. Is he a Cobra?” Nightcrawler asked.

“Sometimes,” Scarlett answered. “It’s complex.”

“He does more switching sides than Anne Heche,” Quick Kick quipped as Groucho Marx.

“The circle is complete,” Storm Shadow said mystically. “When next we meet, it will be as enemies.”

“We’ll be ready,” Scarlett answered as Storm Shadow disappeared into the night.

“The Joe team will always stand tall against the forces of evil,” Spirit added.

“That’s right, pilgrim,” Quick Kick said as John Wayne. “You tell ’em, big chief medicine man.”

“You do realize that I am a psychologist, don't you?” Spirit asked Quick Kick.

“Uh, no.”

“Looks like our mission was a success,” Beach Head said. “Let’s get back to the Tomahawk and head home. Yo Joe!”

“Yo Joe!” The Joes (except for Snake Eyes) yelled.



Blogger Vegeta said...

I have one word of advice for Duke "Helmet"

11:31 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

And muss that beautiful hair?

12:11 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

So how may COBRAs were sent flying through the jungle into fluffly bannana plant?

Wait, Anne Hetch switched sides? Does that mean she is with COBRA now or the Joes.

YO JOE!! dammit, now they got me saying it.

12:45 PM  
Blogger Randy said...

Yo dog, Snake Eyes' karate chop sure delivers a deadly Payload. When you guys play Hardball, they don't stand a chance.

4:45 PM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

Amazing Jon.

6:15 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Snakes Eyes may not have yelled anything but I bet he gave the thumbs up. For a loner that guy is a real team player.

6:49 PM  
Blogger Paula Abdrool said...

You are an amazing hero who deserves to win this race!

8:21 PM  

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