Wednesday, January 17, 2007

AOC: A Little Less Conversation

Angel nervously knocks on the park bathroom door again. It is cold, under a sunny Utah sky. In the distance Angel can hear the roars of the DC-4 (it’s better than a DC-3, one better in fact) as the Flying Elvi are loading onto it.

“TAK, are you going to come out? We are already behind thanks to the yield. Are you still feeling bad from eating at
Roy Rogers? I told you no one should eat that many Buffalo Wings. Should I do the Roadblock?”

I step out of the Bathroom. “No, I was born for this!” I beam

elvitrooper 2
TAK THE ELVIS TROOPER

“What in the world?” Angel stammers.

“I am a huge Elvis fan. I have all his albums. This is so great!” I tell Angel

“You know Elvis Presley? I thought you weren’t from around here?” Angel asked

“Elvis Who? I am talking about the greatest singer from Endor, Elvis the Ewok!!”

Elvis the ewok
ELVIS THE EWOK

elviswok
ELVIS THE EWOK: The Black and White Years

Angel stares blankly at me.

“Angel, you take the car and meet me at the landing zone. And put a shirt on.”

Angel takes off and I survey the cold and windy (12 degrees F, -11 C for Koma). The Elvi are waving me towards the plane.

‘Uhhh, Mr. TK-266 why do I have to dress like Elvis?” It was Ralph the camera man.

“Just because, Ralph, Just because”

elvis_ralph
RALPH THE CAMERA MAN, READY TO JUMP

The jump goes perfectly. The Elvi are impressed with my skydiving.

WK_0_getelvi_181459_0311
ELVI AND TAK IN FORMATION

skydive_270
MORE OF THE SAME

skydive 2
WE LOOK GREAT (I AM ON THE RIGHT)

Ralph on the other hand lived up to his name.

skydive ralph
RALPH BEFORE HE RALPHS

As we unbuckle on the ground, the Elvi are slapping me on the back and saying how good the jump was. All I can say is “Thank you, Thank you Very much” in my best Elvis the Ewok squeak.

I head over to Angel, who had picked up our clue, and stare at our “SUV”.

white car
ARM3: BAD SUV

“Don’t ask! It was all that was left. We need to get to Las Vegas for the detour.” Angel tells us, as Ralph and I climb in the car.

We cover the 380 miles (512 km for Koma) in less than 5 hours, with the only problem being the smells of Ralph’s ralph.

Once at CAESARS we find out our Detour is called Star or Lackey. Angel looks at the Welcome Board and yell out “Star! We will do star.”

“Why do we want to do Star. I am a much better Lackey. Ask anyone.”

“Because, Tak, they have an Elvis review for some corporate group that is in town. These corporate types wouldn’t know good entertainment if it hit them in the face. You’ll be perfect.”

While I try to work out of if I was just insulted, we head to the one of the smaller venues.

I talk with the band who will be backing me up and download all my Elvis the Ewok music from my Com-link. As the musicians listen, they easily pick up the beats.

As I head for the stage I ask Angel what is the name of the corporation in the audience. He didn’t know, but Ralph said “I think it is called ILL-MM.”

What a strange name.

I jump out on stage with a ‘Thank you Very Much” and jump into my song set. I belt thought Elvis the Ewok’s greatest hits;
Detention Block Rock, Kathhound Dog, Let Me Be Your Fuzzy Ewok, Kashyyyk Rain, G.A.R. Blues and Return To Endor.

elvis wiht back up
ELVIS TAK WITH SOME BACKUP SINGERS

Angel and I do a duet of
Suspicious Minds. I am not sure what was up with his outfit.

angel_maybe
ANGEL HAD A STRANGE COSTUME CHANGE

All along the crowd is hooting, hollering and having a great time.

I decide to bring it down a notch for my last number. The music softens, the back-up singer and Angel begin with the low “owww wooos” and the spot light hit me as the rest of the stage darkens.

elvis_karate
TAK: SINGING FROM THE HEART

I begin to sing On Tatooine (sung to the tune of In The Ghetto)

As the sand flies
On a hot and bright
Mos Espa mornin’
A poor little baby child is born
On
Tatooine
And his mamma cries
Cuz if there’s one more that she don’t need
It’s a another whiny mouth to feed
On Tatooine

People, don’t you under stand
The child needs a helping hand
Or he'll grow to be an angry young man some day
Take a look you and me
Are we too blind to see
Do we simply say we’re done
And forget he is the Chosen One

Well, the Galaxy turns
And an whiny boy becomes a pod racer
Meets a Jedi and become a Queen chaser
On Tatooine

And his anger burns
So he starts the Jedi path of light
And learns about the force
And how to light saber fight
On Coruscant
Then one day in desperation
The young man breaks away
He cut off Mace’s arm, goes on a killing spree
Tries to fight Kenobi, becomes an Amputee
And Padme’ cries

As troopers gather round an angry young man
Face down in the ash, he don’t got no hand
On
Mustafar

As the young man is rebuilt,
On a hot and bright
Mos Eisley mornin’
Little baby Luke is delivered
On
Tatooine

The crowd goes wild and our score board light up with a 3.7. Not to shabby.

The manager of the show comes to tell me that the Corporate folks liked the show and their CEO wants to talk with me.

“Sure, bring on the CEO of ILL-MM.” I respond. He looks at me like I am a moron.

Shortly he comes back with a paunchy bearded man and introduces him as George Lucas, the president of ILM, Inc.

GeorgeLucas
SOME GUY NAMED GEORGE

“I liked the show, especially your twist on Elvis.” George told me.

“Thank you. Glad you like the show. So, what does your company do?” I respond

He looks at me with disbelief. “You’re pulling my leg right? As if you wouldn’t know what I did. Ha Ha , you got me good with that one.” He continues to laugh as he walks away. What a weirdo. But he liked the show, so what do I care.

As we run down towards the lobby, I begin to sing “Viva Las Vegas” for the last 100 yards.

Elvis trooper
THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH


*A very special thanks to Novy and Dark Jedi Kriss for the Elvis the Ewok pictures.

9 Comments:

Blogger Vegeta said...

Angel gets weider , and weirder.

1:34 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

That song was quite clever. Just FYI, I think Angel likes to chase Queen too.

6:09 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Great song.

Elvis the Ewok looks pretty big in that second picture, is he wearing lifts in his shoes or anything?

7:59 AM  
Blogger Warbird said...

Stands with applauds again again

9:42 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

I'd applaud, but I'm holding some very important samples of cell cultures... then again, when will I ever get to applaud again?! Bravo!

*flasks smash on ground, release strange vapor*

Bravo! *cough* Bravo!

3:30 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

You did see the "NO ANTHRAX" sign in the lobby, didn't you?





A quick scan shows that you have no mid 1980's Metal rock on you so I guess you did.

6:06 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Hmmm

7:56 PM  
Blogger Paula Abdrool said...

I knew Elvis was still alive!

8:44 AM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

We're gonna win this race

10:21 AM  

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