Wednesday, February 07, 2007

When Norse things attack

So we have to go to the Marvel theme park huh? And I also get to be there with their corporate poster boy , wonderful. While there Logan was offered a spot on three teams , also raving fan boys slowed our progress.

After mistaking 3 people in costumes for Thor we find the real one. Unfortunately he was a little preoccupied.

That was amusing for the first five minutes. Yet after about an hour It was a little tedious. Especially since kids came around making bets on who'd win , between Kal-El and Thor.

Finally Thor and the Kryptonian wrest the hammer from the canine. Something tells me this will lead to a slap fight between Didio , and Quesada. Oh well.

Thor finally takes us to Asgard. With a " Sorry the inconvenience mine friends. I shalt make it up to thee." Whatever, I do not care. He leaves us with the clue that we have to find someone called Volstagg or something, and have a drinking contest.

" Yeah that one is all me Bub! " Logan shouts gleefully.

" Sure why not." I shrug. If this race has taught me anything, it's that Logan's healing ability is nature's compensation for his extreme idiocy. Without it I'm certain he would have died trying to pet a bear when he was child in Canada or something.

I'm a drinker my self, but I'm not stupid enough to risk alcohol poisoning to try to win a contest with a Norse god. Besides I would like my mind clear for the next challenge.

So Logan drank not only his 'Midgard Serpent's Venom. ' but Volstagg's too.

" Good work Rodent " I compliment " Your actually useful for something."

He slurs at me " I'm the bubbliest there is best."

Oh good. Looks like brain cells heal the slowest.

" Thou art truly a fine warrior and drinker What was your name again?" The huge Asgardian questions.

Logan thinks for a second " Wolveroagan Howlerjamesrine." He starts to boast at least I think he's boasting. " I'm a mean bean, joweler rockie. Pants are a prison!"

" Ok Logan, none of that actually made sense also you are keeping your pants on."I turn to the Norse Deity. Do you have a clue for us?"

" Aye verily. Funny monkey like being."

I growl. " I have killed for less than that! Now give me the damn clue!"

He starts to threaten me , I punch him in the face, then push , him down the a the rainbow bridge with my foot. He rolled into Valhalla and steam rolled some poor dead Viking souls.

After reading the clue I choose to fight some storm giants. I may good at Poker but not enough to beat Loki who will be cheating much better than myself. Besides I love to fight . Wait where did Logan go?

After flying over the realm I find Logan. He's hitting on this goddess , badly . " Hey Man I'm the baby of your dreams."

" Thou doth offend me maloderous mortal!" Wait a second I think I recognize her now. The Enchantress.

So Logan was turned into a frog. I land in front of the alluring goddess, and the amphibian X-man. She looks at me then recognition comes over her features. " Ah. The alien that aided my beloved Thor in the rescue of our souls from Hela. Ask any boon of me and I shalt deliver it unto thee."

Hmph. Well first thing that comes too mind is out, since I am married . How inconvenient. " How about you just transform the frog back into the misanthrope it was , and tell me where Joutenheim is. That shall be enough."

Her visage changes to one of anger. " Thou art friends of this creature?"

" Not really." I answer. " We're just in a race, and I do not think he could help as a French lunch entree."

She gestures, and idiot boy is back to normal. After she points the way to the The giant land I grab Logan before he can say something stupid again. We hurry through the portal and find four creatures that look like this.

" Wow these mortals art shorter than others." One laughs. " This shalt be easy!"

" Bah!" I announce. "My ancestors have slain gods! I carry their power within me! Prepare yours selves!"

While I wrestle with one of the freaks, Logan shouts" ya maybe big as a flamin' tree But I'll cut ya down ta size!"

I shake my head " Idiot! That is a tree!" Damn he's still drunk. This momentary distraction allows the giants to hurl thunder. The mystic electricity. Goes through my ki field . The pain is massive.

Another uses a tree limb as a golf club throwing me several miles. I'm then battered by hurricane force winds. Ok your going to throw magic at me huh? Let's see how these idiots think of this !

" Dragonflame! " The fire engulfs the titans. You know the beating I took from these things has put some things into perspective. I have been playing somewhat by the humans' rules.

I'm tired of this these things are in the way of my goal and I shall take them out of the way, by killing them. I transform To ss4. One of the monsters swings it's club I break it. Then it's arm as well.

I fire a Galick gun at one of it's companions. At this time I hear Logan scream " Special!"

" I really hope that is not your new battle cry." I sneer.

" No! Fastball!... Something what was that again!"

I can't believe this! He wants me to toss him at the giants. Bah whatever! After I do that I dodge some hurled lightining, and counter with a Final Shine. When the battle is just about to get good I hear a giant proclaim " Stop!"

We turn. I see no longer had facial hair . It looked like Logan cut it off .

" The mortal hath shaved mine beard, that's uncuttable at last my handsome good looks hath returned. "

" Keep telling your self that." I laugh. This female giant saunters up to him. " oooh so smoothe ! " she says as she rubs his face. The other three look expectantly at Wolverine .

We get the clue to next pit stop after Logan shaves the rest of them . At about a hundred yards from our destination Logan hollers " I love everyone ! "

I hope he heals from his drunkenness soon.


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11:51 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...


Nice use of a Logan. It is always nice to abuse our mutants in this way.

Wait, that came out all wrong. Nevermind about the abusing mutant thing.

I guess you could say you guys had a close shave. ha ha ha ha .... wait, no it was the giants who had the shave. I'll just go back to sleep now.

1:10 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Pants are a prison? Amen brother!

8:07 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

And I would be deleting the spam except then Tak's comments wouldn't make any sense. And he always seems to be right there after the spam. Hmm . . coincidence?

8:08 AM  
Blogger captain koma said...

Yes the Enchantress is a fine woman. She doesn't mind you having a stare. But just don't ask her out. You end up worse than a frog.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

And why should these AOC comments make any more sense than any other comments he makes?

11:59 AM  
Blogger Vegeta said...

Why indeed?

11:45 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

I agree. Angry, ranting stormtroopers make blogs more interesting.

6:16 PM  

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