Sunday, January 07, 2007

At The Pit Stop

I hate this wretched town. Second largest city in Minnesota; how utterly unimpressive. This dirty, damp, nasty city is always cold. And where do I have to stay? A Radisson. And the chintzy producers are making me share a room with Randy. Needless to say, I waited with much anticipation for all of the contestants to show up so I could out of this dank Mid-Western waste land.

After my third buttered rum, I see a team making its way towards the Pit Stop. The camera crew turns to see. A rather zaftig blonde waitress starts to jump up and down, pointing towards the contestants. Who is the source of all this attention? Who will come in first? The first team in is…


...


......




Jon & Nightcrawler.


The duo comes running up to the podium, a look of expectation on their face. Xavier and a local of the town, Tiffy Vanderjakowski, Miss Lady Slipper 2006, are waiting and give them hearty congratulations. “You’re the first team here, dontcha know!” Tiffy squeals, first hugging Jon, then trying to hug a reticent Nightcrawler who balks at the overly made up and hair sprayed representation of St. Paul.

Each successive team is greeted with enthusiasm, they then head off either to the bar or to their rooms to plan for the next leg of the race. Soon, we are waiting only for two teams. One of them checks in and now we only wait for the last team.

They appear, heading for the Pit Stop. Tiffy, who apparently can’t count that this is the final team, is giddy and excited to see yet another team and bounces cheerfully. Xavier has an expression of neutrality. The team steps up to the podium looking hopeful of their outcome.

“I’m sorry to say,” the Professor seems to be struggling. To move this along, I whisper into Tiffy’s ear what to say. “Ohhh, what Mr. Xavier is trying to say is that you’re the last team in, dontcha you know. But feel free to stay and see the sites of lovely St. Paul, Minnesota, we’ll treat you well, you betcha!”

Xavier nods, “Yes, what she says is true. SQT, Mystique, I am sorry, but this has been your last leg of the race. You were only minutes behind the second to last team and put in an excellent effort, but your journey in the race is over.”

He went on longer about no hard feelings, please compete again in any future races, blah blah blah. If he keeps coddling people, they’ll just keep coming back, screeching worse and worse versions of ‘Loving You’ and your ears will bleed again and again and…. oh wait, different competition.

Congratulations to the winners, Jon & Nightcraler. And remember, leg 2 of the race will start soon.

Cheers!

Simon

13 Comments:

Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

All right! I love it when the zaftig ladies are waiting for us. I like everything about the zaftig ladies. I like their zaftig hips, bustlines and backside. Yep zaftig ladies are the only ones for me.


*whispers to Henchman* "What does zaftig mean again? it a good thing right?"


Good Job Jon and Nightcrawler. And a hardy goodbye to the hot blue women, who are sexy but by no means zaftig.

1:07 PM  
Blogger SQT said...

I kind of saw it coming after Simon's comment on our let. _shrug_ What are you gonna do?

Mystique isn't happy though....

1:37 PM  
Blogger SQT said...

Ooops. That should read our leg.

1:37 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I'm sorry you did't make it SQT. I thought your post was quite funny. The fact is there's going to be only one winner so you're going to have a lot of company.

I think the Regis and Kelly want to do interviews with those who have been eliminated.

3:06 PM  
Blogger SQT said...

Thanks professor, but no one wants to be the first to go. I had intended to build up the story as I went, elaborating on my relationship with Mystique. But I guess I started too slow and didn't put in enough action to make it interesting.

I'll be sure to give it more punch next time.

4:12 PM  
Blogger captain koma said...

YAY! It wasn't me....

Oops sorry Sqt. I thought you and Mystique had a chance there. I mean I honestly thought I was going to get disqulified for cheating and such. But no I didn't. YAY!

Oh sorry. Hope have better luck next time.

7:37 PM  
Blogger captain koma said...

Umm just a question.

Why was there no pic of Tiffy Vanderjakowski.

Would have liked to have seen her.

7:41 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

*Borrows Jon's clipboard from LGS - Writes downs Koma's name and then puts a red X after it*

7:46 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:31 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Well, I tried to find a picture of her, but those pageant girls all the look the same and they all look like Tammy Fae Baker

8:33 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

We won? We won! Wow, I'm suprised, but I do like the sound of it.

8:42 PM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

Yeah...*Walks away*

10:27 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

Ah, return of the clipboard!

12:33 AM  

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