G.I. Jon and Nightcrawler Part 1: The Terrordrome of Terror

“Man, this sucks,” I muttered while standing behind the lemonade stand.

“Oooh saying that word is a no no,” Lana admonished. “We have no room for potty mouths in this nice town.”

“Yeah, but I’ve been here forever,” I replied. “No one’s buying the lemonade.”

“Oh they will,” she assured me. “Just wait until they come out of school.”

The school bell rang and students began exiting through the main doors. Those who walked past us either ignored our little enterprise or sneered at our efforts. A few even laughed in our faces.

“Not a lot of takers, eh mein freunde?” Nightcrawler asked from his vantage point. According to the rules, only one of us was supposed to sell the lemonade. I took up the challenge and refused help from my partner because I follow the rules.

“Lemonade isn’t as popular around here as one would think,” I replied dryly. Sure Smallville appears to be a sweet, idyllic little town, but you know there’s something seedy going on just beneath the surface. Just like Blue Velvet, only PG.

“Well, we just have to keep our chins up and believe!” Lana said cheerily. “We’ll sell plenty of lemonade just like Superman will soon come to his senses and ask me to marry him!”

“Yeah, keep the faith,” I replied.

The students finished filtering out and a couple teachers stepped out talking to each other.

“Wow, am I glad the day’s over.” The first teacher heaved a sigh of relief.

“I hear you,” said the second. “I can’t believe how many stupid questions these kids ask. One boy keeps asking me about dividing pi and I’m not even a math teacher.”

“I know what you’re saying,” the first agreed. “I can’t wait to have a couple glasses of wine and just relax in a bubble bath.”

Hearing their conversation gave me an idea. Quickly, I pulled a small bottle of vodka from out of my Wristcomm. It was very fortunate that I had that in there for such an emergency.

“Excuse me ladies!” I called out to them. “May I speak with you for a moment?”

“This isn’t another one of those weirdoes is it?” one said to two.

“Well he’s with Lana,” two said to one. “I guess he’s OK.”

I poured the bottle of vodka into the pitcher of lemonade. “I know you two have had a rough day. Perhaps I could interest you in a drink to calm your verves.”

“Mmmm, how much?” asked the first.

“Uh, two bucks a glass,” I answered.

“I’ll take two!”

“I’ll take three!”

Lemonades and monies quickly changed hands in front of Lana’s disapproving gaze. With the challenge out of the way, Nightcrawler quickly grabbed me and we teleported to the train station. Shortly after that, we were on a train and heading towards Springfield.

“How vill we find the G.I. Joe team?” Nightcrawler asked.

“I’m not sure,” I answered. “I don’t think we’ll have much trouble finding the Terrordrome, but hooking up with the Joes may be a little more difficult.”

The train came to a halt at the Springfield stop. Nightcrawler and I stepped out onto the platform and were immediately greeted by a striking man wearing a khaki shirt and green BDU pants. He was flanked by a couple more Joes.

“Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and Nightcrawler?” he asked. “I’m First Sergeant Duke Hauser, leader of the Joe team.”

“Good to meet you.” I shook his hand. “I am familiar with your team and we’re ready to go. So what’s the op, Top?”

“Those Cobra bums have kidnapped four scientists from the local S.T.A.R Labs here in Springfield,” he replied. “We’re going to go rescue them. The plan is to go in there real sneaky and get them out.”

“Sounds good to us,” Nighcrawler replied.

“Yo Joe!” all the Joes yelled simultaneously.

Moments later, Skystrikers, Mauler MBT’s, AWE Strikers, and Dragonflies converged on the enemy fortress.

“Yo Joe!” called out the members of the daring, highly-trained special missions force.

“Zis is sneaky?” Nightcrawler asked.

“For them? Yes.” I replied.

Suddenly, the launch bay doors of the Terrordrome opened up. Smoke started erupting from it as something was preparing for launch.

“Those Cobra bozos are launching something!” Gung Ho yelled out.

“I don’t like the looks of that,” Roadblock replied. “Could they be launching a Firebat?”

With a roar, a rocket hurled high into the sky.

“What was that?” asked Scarlett.

“I don’t know but it can’t be good,” Duke replied. “Ace, can you give me a visual of what that was?”

“This is Ace,” the pilot replied over the radio. “Slipstream and I are chasing it now. It’s some kind of rocket. It’s slowing down. It just broke apart! It broke apart into four different components and all four are floating back to Earth on parachutes in four different directions!”

“Attention G.I. Joe!” Cobra Commander’s hooded visage appeared on all of the Joe comm. equipment. “You’ll be happy to know that your preciousss ssssscientists are now being rocketed to four different cornerssss of the globe. If you want them back, you’ll have to go get them! Cobraaaaaaaaa!”

On the screen, Cobra Commander held the microphone he was talking into straight out in front of him sideways and dropped it. The screen then went blank.

“Well that tears it.” Duke curled his hand up into a fist and punched his other hand. “We need to split up into four teams and settle Cobra Commander’s hash once and for all!”

“You got it, Duke!” Stalker called out.

“Yo Joe!” all the Joes yelled once again.