Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Act I, Scene I

Wherein Gyrobo Meets Gambit At The Park

They all looked ever so tasty...

“Hey chief, how much for three with chili?”

The scroungy vendor tapped his price chart with sauerkraut-laden tongs. “All toppings, 35 cents extra,” he said gruffly. Really gruffly...

“It sounds like you could use Halls® Breath Mints! They’ve got ‘vapor action’ and-”

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over zis park for you!”

I turned around, nearly dropping the fanny pack I’d acquired last week from the professor during our introductory brunch. Standing nearly a meter (or “metre,” for those of you who prefer the Queen’s English) in height, the X-Man scowled.

The X-Man and I
We... are the champions...

“Gambit! What brings you to Central Park? Is it the horses? ’Cause I can hook you up, man. I know this guy, and he feeds the horses for this tourism company-”

“You’re three days late for the challenge. Three!” He held out his gloved hand, obviously trying to shame me with his ability to count using his fingers. It wouldn’t work this time.

“For your information, Mr. I-can-convert-matter-to-energy, I’ve spent the last week on an expedition to find the greatest mapmakers of the British Isles. With their aid, I was able to accurately draw the most direct and convenient path from this location to the Sears Tower!”

He shook his head. “The Sears Tower is the tallest building in North America, but it’s not in New York.”

“Oh. Well, I’ve got a contingency map to the Empire State Building right here,” I laughed as I pulled out the sepia-coated scroll. It smelled strongly of dandelion and sedge. I held my breath and closed my eyes. “It’s... that way!”

“Let me see zis map.” Gambit swiped the parchment from my metallic claws faster than a bald eagle in a wind tunnel. “What is zis ‘M.R.’ written next to zee numbers?”

“That’s the distance in Megalithic Rods; the Empire State Building is almost 3,200 Megalithic Rods from here.”

“Who uses Megalithic Rods?!”

“The people who built Stonehenge, that’s who uses them. You should know this, you’re from there.”

“I keep telling you, I am an American mutant!”

“Not with that attitude.”

He let out an exasperated groan. “Do you even have a car?”

“Oh no, my friend. We don’t need a car.” I smirked and held up a cardboard box, shaking it sneakily.

“What’s in zee box?”

“Yesterday when I got back from Wales, I went to see an old buddy of mine, Sid. He runs a limo service, and he was more than happy to give us a lift to the Empire State Building in exchange for our team’s $100.”

“You better not have spent all our- wait, until thirty seconds ago, you thought we were going to Illinois!”

“What part of ‘contingency’ don’t you understand? Anyway, I was thinking about ponying up the dough, when I ran into this guy who was selling... POTATO ON A STRING!”

“‘Potato on a string?’”

Potato on a String!
It’s a POTATO! On a STRING! Buy it! BUY IT NOW!

“It set us back a pretty penny,” I beamed. “But I got us a whole box for only ninety bucks!”

“You mean we only have ten dollars left?!”

“That reminds me...” I handed the vendor a crumpled $10 bill. “Yo chief, I’ll take three with chili. Keep the change.”

“Here you go.”

“Ah, New York City hot dogs! There’s really no beating ‘em.”

As I popped the first one into my mouth, I turned to ask if Gambit would hold the third chili-dog while I got to work savoring the second. But I could see he was far too busy trying to meditate, as mutants are wont to do. His face was such an intense purple, he must have been close to a new mental plateau.

“Looks like we’re hoofin’ it, dude!”


Blogger Vegeta said...

Looks like Gambit had some kind of eletrical accident

12:34 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

It's amazing what static cling does to hair.

12:42 AM  
Blogger captain koma said...


Thats all I have to say.


1:35 AM  
Blogger Kid Flash said...


4:47 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Is that a Turtles fanny pack?

I was wondering if you and Gambit would make up for each others weaknesses. I'm still wondering.

6:05 AM  
Blogger captain koma said...

Sorry I do have more to say.

Gambit looks more bad ass with a 'fro.

Gyrobo should be congratualted on doing something noone at Marvel has been able to do. Ever.


7:44 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

You mean make Gambit a bad ass? I'd have to agree.

8:00 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

It does make much more sense for someone with electrical powers to have a 'fro.

And yes, the fanny pack is of the half-shell variety.

10:34 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I never was much a fan for TMNT, I have had turtle soup though. It was delicious.

12:10 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Go Gyrob! Don't let that freak try to shame you with his counting finger trick.

2:19 PM  
Blogger Danny Bailey said...

What happen to Remmy's hair?

6:16 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Ahh, I see this will be another season your mind boggeling POV. Sad to see your particular brand of wisdom hasn't diminished any.

And tell your partner to get a better top, it looks like he's got a hernia.

7:47 PM  
Blogger Randy said...

Yo, that afro is tight. Keep it real, bro!

8:24 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

Nah nah nah nah,
Riding the trolley...

Riding the trolley to...

Oh, was I choreographing publicly again?

10:11 PM  
Blogger Paula Abdrool said...

It was like a chorus of angels came down from the heavens and showered us with love!

9:20 PM  

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