Sunday, January 21, 2007


In a small Kansas town, not too far away, two figures emerge from a smoking hill...

"Uh-huh. And mixing unstable solutes with lemonade for marketing purposes?"


"That's right."

"And mentally manipulating the leaders of the world in order to seek world domination?"



"Good, I'm glad we've both seen the error in our ways."

The two dishevelled contestants trudged onwards to their next pit stop and challenge.


"What are flying Elvi?" I asked as we sped along the highway at dangerously illegal speed.

"A bunch of goofy sky divers who dress up like Elvis or something," Havok responded. He gripped the steering wheel and weaved in and out of lanes with squirrel-like twitchiness.

"How incredibly strange..."

"You live in a school of super-powered children and you're calling this strange?"

"Touché," I read through the challenge once more, "So, you think you can do this?"

He turned his face away from the road for a heart stopping second, "I did the last one, shouldn't we take turns or something?"

I twirled my hair in a bashful fashion, "I don't do so good with heights."

He turned his head away again and we swerved to the side (my arm rests now had indents on where I was gripping them). "You fly all the time! In the X-Jet and on your own! You flew this freakin' SUV not two weeks ago!"

"Uh-huh, but ya see, I use my powers for all of those things, I've never actually had any, um, flight training or anything. I actually have no acrobatic skill whatsoever." I patted his back, "This one is all you."

He scowled in his seat.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise."

He continued to scowl.

"You know, this could be a good chance to show up Scott."

His expression suddenly blanked.

An evil grin spread across his face.

The speed of the car picked up even more.


I stood in the open field with a hand on my hip. The sun beat down hotter than usual that day, and there wasn't a tree in sight to sit under. I shielded my eyes with my hand and scanned the cloudless sky for any sign of a plane.

I kicked down some of the tall grass and sat down where I was. This was going to take a while. I looked around me for some vague form of entertainment. I picked a snap dragon and fiddled with the bells. There were countless other wild flowers around creating a pleasantly sweet aroma all around. I got bored with the flower and dropped it. I opened the purse given to us at the beginning and started to go through it again.
I found a whistle, magnifying glass, binoculars, floppy disk, a hole punch, flashlight and the O'Reilly Consort Christmas CD. Woo-pee. I inspected everything to an obsessive compulsive level and began to burn some dried leaves and grass around my with the magnifying glass. I soon got bored with that too and took out the hole punch.

I picked up the snap dragon again and cut one of the bells off with the punch. Then another. And another, until the stock was bear. I admired the little flowers on the ground and arranged them in to a little picture. I looked around at all the other flowers.



"I can do it myself! I've used a parachute before!" Havok shooed away the small mousy man that was aiding the rest of the divers in preparing their chutes. He smiled to himself when he had strapped everything in securely by himself.
He looked up to see the rest of the crew, all 12 of them, smiling eerily at him.
They were....Elvi.
Havok rocked playfully on his heels.
"Ahem, so...You're the flying Elvi?"

They all nodded in unison.

He shuddered.
"So...Uh, you do this a lot?"

The same creepy nod.

"Sky-diving, huh? Does it ever get boring?"

They all looked at one another and then shook their heads in unison.

"So you guys are the best at this, eh?"

Their smiles broadened and they nodded.

"So then...Which one of you is the best?"

"We're just about there," the pilot called from the front.

The Elvi all looked at each other and their smiles faded. Looks of confusion replaced them. The one in the middle put his hand up, "Well, I'm the leader, so I guess it's me?"

The rest of them glared at him. "Say what? You'd go a mile off course if it weren't for me beside you! You're hopeless!" One of them said.

Another one stood up, "I jump first, I'm the one who leads us all! I start the formations!"

Another one stood up and poked him, "You? We always have to pull you back into the circle when you jump out!"

"Only because you always jump too far left!" another one said pushing the previous.

Havok looked out the opening door in the plane as the whole team bickered with one another.

"I wonder where Gaia is..." he wondered to himself. He looked down at the giant field. There seemed to be a large cirlce in it. A purple-no red...It was multicoloured. He peered at it vainly trying to see what it was.

The Elvi were now in a slapping fit.

The pilot cam out furious, "We're over the field now! Jump, would you!!!"

The Elvi all glared at him. They said nothing, but turned and jumped out the opening all in a predetermined order that flowed quite nicely. Havok was the last to go.
"Just another mission," he said and jumped.


I stood before my completely flower made 5ft tall model of West Minster Abby. I smiled and made a few adjustments here and there. I heard a weird buzzing behind me and looked up.

There was what I could only guess were the flying Elvi and Havok in the sky. I took out the binoculars and peered through.
"What a strange formation..." The Elvi were all in a ball... And it looked like....It looked like they were hitting each other. Havok was a little distance away from there doing flips and turns through the air. The Elvi all pushed away from each other to open their parachutes... It didn't look like they were far enough apart...
Havok opened his and cam gliding gracefully down with a huge smile on his face. The Elvi were close together and screaming at one another...

"Did you do this?" Havok asked brushing off his shoulders.

"Oh, yes...I got bored... Be careful, don't touch it. What are they doing?" I pointed to the Elvi who were now very close and heading straight for us.

"Huh? Oh... Beats me... Looks like they wanna land here."

"What?!?!" I looked at me model. I ran towards them and waved my hands, "NO! No no no no no! AWAY! Get away from here! Over there! Go! AHHHHH!"
They knocked me over and landed all in a huddle on my picturesque model.

I stood with my mouth open. "My flowers..." I fell to my knees, "My...model..."

They were in a ball all out fighting with each other now.

"When d'you suppose we get our next clue?" Havok asked staring at them with his arms crossed.

I shook my head and got up, "Right now."

I walked up to them, "Excuse me...Excuse me...Um, we would like our clue...Sirs? Sirs! Excuse meeee!" "Hey guys!" Havok called. "Elvi? HEY!!!!" I screamed.

They stopped and looked at me, "WHAT?!?!?"

I was a little taken aback, "Um, could we please have our clue?"

One on the bottom reached into his pocket and took out a crumpled piece of paper, "HERE!"

Havok took the piece of paper and the Elvi continued their feud. "Sweet, let's go!" he said gleefully.



"No, no way. Never.""But it's so much easier!""Doing whatever that crackpot says for 5 hours? I'd rather put on 10 musicals!"

It was now my turn to scowl, "Can you sing?""No," he grunted.

"Can you dance?" I sneered.

"No.""I rest my case. I can't carry a show by myself."

"But she's criminally insane!"

"She also happens to be francophone. Which we can use to our advantage."

"How?""It's been sometime since Céline last visited her hometown or spoke to anyone French besides her husband. We might be able to influence her with a little hometown charm."

"You speak French?""Well enough."

He obviously still didn't like the idea.

"If we do a musical number I'm making you Peter Pan."

His eyes widened.

"Bone-joor! Croissant, escargot and fromage! Let's aller!" he said walking to Miss. Dion's dressing room.

I laughed and followed him.


*knock knock knock*

"Allo? Ooo iz it?"

"What did she say?" Havok whispered.

I glared at him, "She isn't speaking french.""Oh...Could of fooled me..."

I opened the door, "Salut Madame, nous sommes les contestants de le course étonnante de mutant. Mon associé et moi sont ici pour vous aider."

She stared at us with a blank expression.

"Eh? Oh! Ah..." she looked puzzled, "Je suis et une Céline. Regardé mon jambes maigres!"

"OK, I know that wasn't English...What did she say?""Um... Well, roughly translated it was 'I am is a Celine. Look at my skinny legs.' "

"I am is a Celine?"


He laughed hysterically.

Celine looked more confused.

"I think you need to brush up on your French!"

I hit him on the shoulder, "Honest to God, that is what she said!"

"Ooo?," Celine asked.

"Une moment, madame," I said putting a finger up.

"Oh, c'est un pamplemousse."I stared at her and turned back to Havok, "I don't think she knows how to speak french anymore."

"Either that or you never knew."

I narrowed my eyes, "She just said 'It's a grapefruit' when I told her to wait."

He fell over laughing.

"You ARE bad," he laughed.

"Celine, est que tu sais comment a parle français?""Je suis tombé et a casseé mon ciel."

Havok raised his eyebrow," What now?""I asked her if she knew how to speak French and she said she fell and broke her sky."

He slapped his knee and started laughing again.

"I don't think it's funny!" I yelled at him.

I sat down next to Celine who now looked very lost.

"Celine, have you forgotten how to speak french?"

She had a totaly bewildered look on her face, "Quoi? Non! C'est posibblé!"

"Impossiblé." I corrected her.

"C'est impossiblé!" she echoed back annoyed, "I know 'ow to speak le francais bedder dan anyone here! I am da french blood!"

"Celine," I put my hand on her shoulder, "Je pense que vous avez été parti pour un plus long temp."

"Uh..." she looked totally hopeless.

"Celine, you have been away for too long."

"Ahhh!" she wailed, "it is true! I 'ave forgotten it all! I know nothing!"

"Well, maybe we could help."


5 hours later.

"Oui, très bon Celine!"She finished the last question in "Mme. Pomme's Level Two French Comprehension Books".

"Je comprends!" she beamed.

"That's great!" I patted her back, "I'm going to leave these books with you and you can keep practicing!""Merci beaucoup, mon amie!""Now Celine, do we have your permission to continue in our race?""Oui!" she sang, "Aller, mon amis, aller! Je souhaite-tu tout le meilleur! Bon-voyage!"

"Salut, Celine!" I shouted as a very anxious Havok dragged me out the door and down to the lobby.


Blogger Professor Xavier said...

You certainly know how to push Havok's buttons. And nice job getting Celine back up to Frenchie speed.

2:39 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Ahh Mondue, quie quag un soo meie. Se I can fake French also. :)

5:28 PM  
Blogger captain koma said...

Tres Bon.
Ha I picked up something.
Just when you think being a francophile will be a disadvantage you have to deal with Celine.
By the way loved the bored inspecting of the purse. Also the snap dragon model of west minster abbey
Caliban gives you a big Elvis Uh-Huh Baby!

5:49 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

So that's French!

2:15 PM  

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