Friday, January 26, 2007

Skycycle Caliban and Zombie Corpses

"That white maggot!" I scream. "If I catch up to him I'm going to do more to his DNA than those cloning labs ever did." I continued to seethe and stomp around the green room waiting for the yield to finish.
"Bea Arthur." said Caliban.
"What about Bea Arthur?" I snap.
"Koma! What are you doing yelling at Caliban like that." protested Goldy Luckman our blonde and kinda cute camera woman. I compose myself.
"Sorry Cal what about Bea Arthur?"
"The ticket lady was Bea Arthur." answered Caliban meekly .

Unfortunately there was no time to contemplate Caliban's revelation as the producers told us the yield was over. The fastest way was plane and time was against us. We get to the ticket window and there's no Bea Arthur. That actually made me uncomfortable. But we got to the big hole in the ground without incident.
Ok point of order "Grand" Canyon.
I've been to Mars and seen a real canyon, this puppy is nothing. In fact the Marianas Trench is bigger than this over-hyped garbage dump in waiting. Hey don't look at me its been a plan of the Republican party since Nixon.

Now we gotta fly a sky-cycle over the shortest part. 1,400 feet. Which is of course 436.72 meters. That's about 3 MCG's long for those Australian's reading.
Cal already had a pair of goggles on and was rapping Kanye West.
"I, I'm sky high. I, I'm sky high." he repeated in his best rap accent.
"So you wanna do it 'eh?" I asked.
He only smiled and nodded his head coolly.
"He's too heavy." warns one of the mechanics. I push him aside and have a look at the rockets.
"I can amp this thing up easy. All I need is two more booster rockets." I informed the mechanic.
"Your $%#@ing crazy!" he replies. "That'll kill us all if it goes up."
"Yeah it would, if you did it." I respond. "Now get lost, unless you want to learn something about jet propulsion."

After I had finished the mechanics tune had changed.
"Koma, this could work." said the mechanic amazed.
Caliban saddles up and reminds me of Dr. Strangeglove.
"UP UP and away." cries the hyped up albino. It must have been the thirty diet cokes he had while waiting.
The rockets are primed and prepared and..... Booom! Off he goes into the wild blue yonder.
We watch the trajectory and he clears the gap easily in fact he over shots the landing site. Then the fuel runs out, the rockets stop and he starts his descent. And I realise something.
"The chute's not opening." mentions the mechanic.
"Yeah cause I took it out." I reply.
I teleport over there but I end up at this gay biker bar called the Blue Oyster.
Who did this?
I run a diagnostic and reset the sattelite system. I got back just in time to see Caliban crash.
Ouch! that was huge. And then out of the firey hole in the ground out walks Caliban, unscathed.
"Hello Koma. That was a mistake forgetting the parachute like that." he says in a clear baritone voice.
"...." I'm speechless.
"Koma whats wrong?" He asks and then he realises it himself. "I'm .... wow. I'm talking normally." he breaks into this huge smile and lets out this roar. "YEAH!"
I did a sensor reading of him he was ok. Healthy but his mental functions were up by 80%.
"We don't have time for this..." I begin.
"Yes Koma your right. Lets get Goldy and go." finishes Caliban.
*************************************************
Some history for you all on Caliban. He was a normal once. Well if you call being a scared albino mutant with a crush on Kitty Pride normal, then he was. But he made a deal with Apocalypse for power to punish those who killed the Morlocks. Apocalypse gave him the huge body we all see now. After a time Cal turned away from Apocalypse, as payback Apocalypse took his mind. Nowdays Cal has anger management issues, basicly when Cal looses it he goes berserker. I believe this has to do with his hatred of Apocalypse. But this sudden clarity of thought surprised me. Who is this new Caliban?
**************************************************

We get to the train station and there is no Bea Arthur.
"Weird that she's no longer around Koma." mentions Cal.
"Yeah. What was she doing?" questions Goldy our camera woman. I really wasn't paying attention I was too busy watching Cal walk around upright. I was also reading my senors on him. Putting it simply this crash had woken his brain up. We get out of the train and into the humvee and Cal squeezes himself into the back and puts his seatbelt on.
'Ok Koma get over it.' I think to myself 'You can spend time analysing Cal's brain with the Professor later. We've got Zombies to deal with.'

We get to Racoon City. And yep its deserted. I tell Goldy to stay out of the building.
"What do you think I'm some kind of princess who needs to be saved." she cute when she's angry.
'Back on the job Koma stop getting distracted.' I tell myself.
"Can I at least give you something for protection." I say handing her a necklace.
"What is it?" she asks.
"Its a force shield. The Zombies wont be able to touch you." I explain. Goldy puts it on. At least she's safe.
Cal on the other hand is excited.
"We gonna smash some Zombies Koma. Kill or Cure I don't care I just want to smash stuff up." Cal's smiling a wicked smile, he gives off an evil laugh. Just who do I have here.

So The CURE it is.
Its also arguably the greatest band of the eighties. Thats my opinion the rest of you can all eat zombies.

So its off to the lobby and the lockers there's a guy there who supposed to give us a speech.
"Welcome Team Koma to the Building 5 of the Umbrella Corporation, as you know we are currently in a state of Zombie infestation." He lets off a slightly nervous chuckle. "Hahahaha! Of course you have two choices to make Kill or Cure." the guy stops cause looking at him impatiently is Caliban."Yes Mr Caliban?"
"You a zombie?" Cal's grin is pure evil as he smacks his right fist into his open left palm.
"Nnn no. Of course not Mr Caliban." the guy answers.
"Then ya better point Koma to the Labs so's he can make the cure." I just can't believe this menacing creature was the big child I knew just hours ago. The guy leaves I think he wet himself. There's a few lockers in the lobby and my sensors pick up advanced tech.
"This stuff any good Koma?" asks Caliban.
"Very much so Cal." I reply smiling. A jet pack, body armor, some rather nasty weapons. Cal chooses a knife and I am able to talk him into the body armor.
"Hey I'm big and strong I don't need no stinking armor." Cal protests.
"If they bite you, you become a zombie. Do you want that?" I snap back.
"No." he answers reluctantly.
So we suit up.

Then its off to the stairs to get to the second level bio-Lab.
There's a bit of resistance but nothing Cal can't handle. In fact he's really enjoying himself.
"Take that you un-dead freaks." he screams as in one movement he decapitates a zombie.
"Koma. Is this healthy for Cal?" whispers Goldy. She's shocked at the ease at which Cal is killing the zombies.
"Nothing to be bothered about." I tell her but even I'm a bit concerned as to who this Caliban is.

So we get to the Lab. It was evacuated in a hurry, all the computers are on and there's notes all over the place. I ask Caliban to get me some zombie flesh to examine. He gets me some. I do the usual analysis on the flesh and its got a virus of a sort. I isolate the virus and its man made. Ugh! typical. The Umbrella corporation has been playing around with designer viruses. In fact I found the virus on their R&D database. They came up with it to preserve meat for storage. The meat then lasts longer in the supermarket before going off. Great idea, unfortunately making zombies of everyone who ate the meat. Now to kill the virus. That took a bit longer but Caliban amused himself by going out of the lab and killing a few zombies for the fun of it.

We get to the third level and the Zombies are up there in force.
"This stinks of organisation." I tell the others.
"They knew we were coming?" asks Goldy the fear creeping into her voice.
"I don't fear no stinking Zombies." snarls Caliban.
"Can you distract them Cal while we get to the air-conditioning unit?" I ask grabbing Goldy's hand.
"Sure thing Koma." Cal smiles at us and rushes the zombies. "Come and get some. Arrrrrrgh!" he screams.
I teleport me and Goldy to the air-conditioning unit.
"Thanks I didn't want to be around those Zombies any longer." says Goldy relieved.
I attach the pressure canister with the to the air-conditioning unit.
"How long till it works?" asks Goldy.
"Not long." I answer and then we hear the screams. I was hoping it wouldn't be like this but it was possible.
"Whats happening." she demands.
"Something horrible." I reply.

We walk out of the air-conditioning unit and there's Caliban shook up looking at the quivering, groaning pile of flesh and bone in front of him.
"Koma what did you do?" demands Goldy.
"I..." I started and then stopped. "I removed the virus and they became normal again. Of course the nerve endings came back alive and for some of them death was quick. But others are going to die very painful deaths due to the extent of their injuries. If its any consolation there will be survivors."
"Did you see this happening?" Goldy asks. Her eye's were pleading with me that I didn't.
I looked away from her. Of course I knew this could've happened.
I teleport us to the Police station. It really doesn't matter anymore.

12 Comments:

Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

"Great idea, unfortunately making zombies of everyone who ate the meat." AND "Hey don't look at me its been a plan of the Republican party since Nixon."

Yoy have got to stop drinking with Gyrobo. He is startign to rub off. And you are correct, The Cure is one of the greatest band of the 1980's

2:02 AM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

Micro Posts....Grrr...I did a two parter.

9:18 AM  
Blogger Randy said...

Yo dog, that was sweet. That camerawoman is too hot to handle now, but I know if you try anything she'll call you a nasty boy.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I dug that Republicn Party crack as well. Too bad you didn't get the chance to punch a Scientologist, though.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Bah, nothing more useless than a senimental zombie killer. Don't you think that they're a little bit better off dead? I would imagine Umbrella would give you an award. Do you have any idea how much you just saved them on post traumatic stress disorder counselling?

4:05 PM  
Blogger captain koma said...

Honestly, I'm just trying to do something different.

Koma.

8:02 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Did you notice how Koma "accidentally" teleported himself into that bar. Just like the President of Exodus who ended up in a similar bar by accident.

11:25 PM  
Blogger captain koma said...

Excuse me but if you can hear Vegeta and Bulma laughing. That was their little trap they laid way back in the second or first leg. I've been waiting foa time to use it and I thought at least they'd remember. But it seems they haven't

*sigh!*

7:48 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

I can count the number of teleporter accidents I've had in one 32-bit signed integer.

11:51 AM  
Blogger Paula Abdrool said...

Just ignore Simon, Koma. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Your post just oozed love and joy and spiritual insight. You are truly an enlightened being!!

3:10 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

It doesn't sound like Caliban's healing was for the better. He's getting to be as bad as Wolverine.

10:28 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

And you know we have to pay royalties every time you sing a copyrighted song.

10:31 AM  

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